What's in a word?

We here at the Broken Hour Glass like to think that the world has matured and the "words" we use to describe it don't really have any effect on use. Any rich, white gang banger will tell you that is not true, probably citing the time he used the "N" word in mixed, ethnic company and the ass kicking that followed.

Although, he totally had it coming.

Turns out, the "wisdom" we like to drop on others isn't always taken as wisdom. Instead it usually comes off as a load of pretentious bullshit from an equally asinine individual. Don't believe us? Just have a sit down with this guy for five minutes and see if you don't want to stab him in the neck with a screw driver.

My kingdom for a blunt object to bludgeon him with.

As a society, we toss around words like gay, whore, and cunt like they are fresh cracked pepper on a salad. You know, just to spice things up. In reality, we assume (when used, makes an ASS of U and ME) that "Hey, they know what I mean. They use that word all the time." 

Here is a quick scenario that shows just how wrong that mindset can be. My lady (the love of my life, mother of my child) is a RAGING BITCH. Her bitchiness knows no boundaries. If you ask her to describe herself, even she would admit to being somewhat bitchy. With that being said, go ahead and call her a bitch, and while  your at it, make a silent prayer to any "god" you believe is listening that I did not hear you say it because the fallout that will follow will be ever so severe.

Wouldn't be the first time, and it probably wont be the last time.

Do you see where we are going with this? Bitch is our word. It can be tossed around with a smile and a slap on the ass. You try it, and all of the sudden the word takes a different context.

Same goes with handing out advice. It like the old saying goes: opinions are like assholes, we all got 'em and they all stink. Truth is, if someone comes to you FOR advice, that is one thing. If you walk about giving your advice freely to the world, your gonna look like an pecker head.

Again, THIS GUY.

The bottom line is, age gives us experience. Experience gives us wisdom. Wisdom then usuaal turns to pretension. Let us, as a society, look closer at the things we say and try to control our impulses to educate the world. Wisdom doesn't always have to turn to pretension.

New York City just doesn't know how to spend money.

According to the New York Post, New York City has decided to drop more than $27 million on street sign lettering because studies have shown that reading all-caps is harder to read.

Wait, what?

Who conducted these studies? Our crack team of researchers search all the corners of the internet (both wiki articles) and could NOT find this alleged research.

Head of our research department.

In addition to the new signs, a new type face called "Clearview" was developed specifically for this project. What was wrong with the nearly endless supply of fonts and typefaces already in existence is beyond our comprehension, but you just know they thought the name was extremely witty.

"You would not believe how funny I am."

Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan even chimed in to justifying wasting... excuse us... spending New York City taxpayers money. This is a direct quote:

"On the Internet, writing in all caps means you are shouting...our new signs can quiet down, as well."

Look at that top sign. What an asshole.

Yep. Apparently, all caps street signs are out, and mixed type face are in. At $27 million in public money going to "quiet down" the city that never sleeps, we here at the Broken Hour Glass know there are at least 50 better ways to waste money. 

Let us address the obvious issue first: all-caps is hard to read. Really, NYC? The Latin alphabet has only been in use since around the 9th century. For argument's sake, let us say that this ties directly to the literacy rates in NYC, which are substantially low,but what does that have to do with driving? After all, don't you have to pass a written exam before they give you a drivers license?

Apparently not always.

This all seems like a GIANT waste off money. If you haven't learned to read and are driving, you seem like one of the lucky few Darwin did not account for. But there is a good chance you won't last too much longer on the road. Even Toonces learned to drive, but we all know how that ended.

The point is, in these times of economic turmoil, doesn't this seem like frivolous spending? Why not put the money into adult literacy? Instead of catering to the stupid, why not educate them? Seems like an obvious solution. Then again, we guess its better than what NYC tax payers have had to deal with in the past.

We're looking in your direction, John Lindsay.

Five Sesame Street guest WAY more controversial than Katy Perry

With all the negative press Katy Perry received because of her wardrobe during a recent Sesame Street appearance, we here at The Broken Hourglass thought it might be time to point out five other guest host that are not fit to be around our children. So sit back and read about five other instances that Sesame Street pulled a WFT.

# 5: GENE SIMMONS

KISS made its name by donning high heels and spitting blood while simultaneously burning the eyebrows off of their audience with over the top pyrotechnics set to the soundtrack of such classics as Detroit Rock City and Rock and Roll all Night and party every day.

Gene simmons, born in Haifa, Israel in 1949, plays bass for the band while wearing ass-less chaps and supposedly bedding more than 4,600 groupies.

Lock up your wives and daughters!

We are not saying there is anything wrong with promiscuous sex, even on the grand scale that Mr. Simmons claims to have engaged in. What WE ARE saying is that, as parents, we don't want THIS cat around our kids.

VERDICT:

We'd rather have a someone who kissed a girl and liked it chasing Elmo around than Gene Simmons hanging around teaching our kids how to spell while probably smelling of Astroglide and motel bed sheets.

Kid tested, mother approved.

#4: MICHAEL JACKSON

Say what you will about the late, great pop star, but one this is abundantly clear: Michael Jackson loved kids.
Its not an understatement to say Michael Jackson had issues, the poor guy spent the last 9 years of his life battling record companies, child abuse claims, bankruptcy and finished out his life literally working himself to death.

All the while transforming himself from black man to white woman.

While he sold millions of albums, he also created an aura around himself of a "man-boy" who may or may not have liked little boys. We are not going to make bold statements about how guilty he was or what may have occured at his Neverland fortress, but we are going to say it would take an army of bear-riding Vikings to pry  our children away from our cold, dead hands to even see our kids in the same place as Wacko Jacko. 

Yep. We're boned.

THE VERDICT:

 Sesame Street should have passed on the Jebus Juice.

#3: ICE T

Every now and then, an artist comes around that confuses it's fan base by creating a career based in one field then eventually wanders into the field that they so violently spoke against. Ice T cut his teeth in the Hip/hop genre with such classics as "Pimpin aint so easy" and "Cop Killer". Years later, he would go on to play a cop on TV's "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit".

From one side of the law to the other. We guess it pays better.

Did we mention that he also labels himself as a pimp? No? Yeah, and not the "women love me" kind of pimp either. We mean a "back hand those crazy hoes" kinda pimp.

Got my money, bitch?

Indeed, and Sesame Street thought it a good idea to let him hang with Elmo, presumably teaching him the finer things in life like pouring Cristal over hoes and making it rain.

THE VERDICT:

 And Katy Perry's boobs are offensive how?

#2: RICHARD PRYOR

Richard Pryor made a name for himself by using comedy to talk about racism. He also inspired just about ever up and coming comedian that ever saw him on television or heard his records. He also set himself on fire while trying to freebase cocaine and reportedly ran down the street screaming at the top of his lungs.

Pictured: Sesame Street material.

Did we mention the stand up? Pryor's comedy was peppered with harsh language and racial slurs to such a point that Sesame Street took notice and decided to let him hang around with muppets.

THE VERDICT:

 Although he could teach the importance of fire safety...

#1: PRINCE

It is in the professional opinion of us here at The Broken Hourglass that there just may not be anyone who enjoys sex more than Prince. Cracked.com pretty much summed up Prince in a way that we can't even come close to.

Making the ladies swoon since 1976.

Is it just us, or is Prince is the only person who looks less manly when he's not wearing lady clothes? See, this is why Prince is a national treasure who we will deeply miss when he's gone; he's the one man on Earth who has heard the phrase, "Hey, buddy, we'd be less uncomfortable over here if you'd put on a ruffled lace shirt and a pair of assless crushed velvet bell bottoms."




With Prince's love of sex, one must wonder what Sesame Street thought he could teach the children who watch their show.

Why Kermit? Why?

THE VERDICT:

 Does anyone else smell something?

You knew it was coming.

THE BOTTOM LINE: 

We are not saying that these people should not have allowed on Sesame Street, we are just making the point that if parents cried fowl on Katy Perry's knockers, where the fuck were they when these five guys were hosting?

Why we should all hate Thomas Edison.

Thomas Edison. He is often described as one of the "world's most prolific inventors" with a record-breaking 1,093 patents to his name. As it turns out, Thomas Edison was an asshole. Plain and simple. 

If I were to rob 1,093 banks, nobody would call me an entrepreneur. You would call me a thief, maybe a good thief, but a thief non the less. Well, as it turns out, Edison lines up there just behind Neil McCauley and Robin Hood as the biggest rip off artist of all times. How? Turns out he was really good at pattens. 

Not pictured: actual research or work.

Heinrich Goebel was the first person to have actually invented the light bulb, way back in 1854 ( as apposed to Edison's attempts in 1878). He tried pawning it off to Edison, who saw no practical use in Goebel's invention and, we shall assume, politely refused. When Goebel died *spoiler alert*, Edison bought Goebel's patent off of Goebel's impoverished widow at a cost much lower than what it was worth. 

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Sound shitty? The history lesson does not end there. May I introduce Mr. Joseph Wilson Swan, Edison's partner on the whole light bulb excursion. So why was Thomas Edison so god damn famous? He was a business man. When Swan developed a working light bulb, Edison effectively made him a partner in the  Edison United Company. As previously stated, Edison was a business man. He made Swan a partner in his endeavorers, eventually using his power to buy out Swan and his pattens, keeping all the cash for himself .

The biggest loser in the Edison Game? Nikola Tesla. Tesla was the genius behind alternating current (or AC). Edison had invested millions of dollars in direct current (or DC) and was not to be out done by some silly chap with a mustache. So whats a lazy "inventor" to do? Well, if your Thomas Edison, you run a smear campaign against your rival, complete with superior funding from several other stolen pattens. 

It is speculated that the "war of currents" actually set human progression behind because of some petty feud between Edison and just about everyone else who invented anything Edison himself thought was either below his standards or a common case of "fuck that asshole, I should have thought of it first" syndrome.

It is also rumored that Nikola Tesla would have received the Nobel Prize for his efforts, if not for Edison and his cronies ruining his good name with their stolen money and ripped off pattens. 

So the" father of the light bulb" is a thieving, bureaucratic, son of a bitch. Should this come as a surprise? I mean, companies steal and buy out each others technology every day. Even Bill Gates has admitted to not creating the software behind Windows. But for history books to LIE to us by proclaiming Thomas Edison as a great inventor is about as accurate as a blind man with an Uzi. Why not describe Edison as the worlds biggest thief? I mean, that shit deserves some type of mention, right? 

The fact of the matter is, history is written by the winners. No matter what you do or what you accomplish, there will ALWAYS be some dick with better access to funds or people than you. So what do we take away from something like this? Keep your friends close and your pattens closer.

I'm looking in your direction, Mr. Einstein.

How are you still employed?

With Saturday's Tech vs. S. Miss. ending in rain, I was curious to why I was surprised by the sudden down pour. I get my forecast from www.weather.com. Today, I was informed of a 30% chance of rain around 11pm. Clear skies other wise. We all know how that story ended.

This is not the first time our forecast source has gotten it wrong; I grew up in New Orleans, and therefore I know who Nash Roberts is. For those of you who do not, Nash Roberts was born to Louisiana in 1918. He retired from broadcast in 1984, only being brought in to do special commentary on storms after that. So by the time I was 8, he was 72 and still being brought out to draw on a dry erase board to tell us we were boned.

Striking fear into children since 1948.

It's not that Nash was wrong, as a matter of fact, he was the ONLY local reporter to accurately predict the path of Hurricane Betsy. But for every Nash Roberts, there is a Jennifer Gray. 

Jennifer Gray is the ripping-hot weather girl for KTBS ArkLaTex news. While absolutely one of the hottest meteorologist around, she is about as accurate as a blind man with a machine gun. 

Go ahead and lie to me, it wouldn't be the first time.

It seems to me that every time we are told 50% or less chance of rain, we should double it. How is it that someone can come on TV, give you information concerning how to plan your day, and then get it totally WRONG? Did you not go to school for this shit? 

I only hope that one day, I can have a job I continually fuck up at, and still collect a pay check. All I want is an apology. It's only decent to come on air and acknowledge the fact that I got wet because YOU told me it was safe. That, unfortunately, will never happen. 

Cheer up though, because for every crappy prediction we get from our weather source, there will always be a hot weather girl talking out of her ass.

I wasn't really listening anyway.

The House of Mouse

I wake up everyday at 6 am during the week. Why? My poor son's bus passes at 630 even though school doesn't start until 740. He's not the first one on the bus, nor is he the last one. So yeah, 6 am every day.

This particular morning, I woke up in a fog as usual. I stumbled to the bathroom to urinate. As I'm peeing, a mouse jumps..no... launches out of the garbage can and bolts straight out of the bathroom, taking a sharp turn down the hall and disappears into the dark house (remember, 6 am. The sun hasn't risen yet).

So now comes the tedious task of hunting down the little bugger. While I'm hoping for this mouse

If only...

I'm probably going to end up with this mouse:

Don't let those eyes fool you, he's a trained killer.

Of course I do have a dog. A mutt with terrier in him, but he doesn't use those natural vermin killing abilities and instead just sleep in my bed and chews my socks.


So lets hope that my endeavors are successful and in no way end up like this:

Not again!

Today's Tangent: West Louisiana Ave.

Let me tell you a story. A story about a little known street called West Louisiana Ave (WLA).

Once upon a time, WLA was the best kept secret on Louisiana Tech Campus. Students could park with ease, walking straight to Keeney Hall without a care in the world.

Unlike other streets, WLA had a one-way traffic flow. This meant that traffic flowed at a regular rate with little inconsistency.

And then, the dark times came. Upon getting to campus that day, WLA was blocked off. All of the secret parking spots had been taken away. As if to add insult to injury, WLA was no longer a one way for its direction had been changed to a two-way.


My heart sank to a depth so deep that I fear it may never surface again. So I raise my glass to you, WLA. You were a true friend who provided close parking, shaded walks, and never asked for anything back. You may be gone, West Louisiana Ave., but you are not forgotten.