Why we should all hate Thomas Edison.

Thomas Edison. He is often described as one of the "world's most prolific inventors" with a record-breaking 1,093 patents to his name. As it turns out, Thomas Edison was an asshole. Plain and simple. 

If I were to rob 1,093 banks, nobody would call me an entrepreneur. You would call me a thief, maybe a good thief, but a thief non the less. Well, as it turns out, Edison lines up there just behind Neil McCauley and Robin Hood as the biggest rip off artist of all times. How? Turns out he was really good at pattens. 

Not pictured: actual research or work.

Heinrich Goebel was the first person to have actually invented the light bulb, way back in 1854 ( as apposed to Edison's attempts in 1878). He tried pawning it off to Edison, who saw no practical use in Goebel's invention and, we shall assume, politely refused. When Goebel died *spoiler alert*, Edison bought Goebel's patent off of Goebel's impoverished widow at a cost much lower than what it was worth. 

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Sound shitty? The history lesson does not end there. May I introduce Mr. Joseph Wilson Swan, Edison's partner on the whole light bulb excursion. So why was Thomas Edison so god damn famous? He was a business man. When Swan developed a working light bulb, Edison effectively made him a partner in the  Edison United Company. As previously stated, Edison was a business man. He made Swan a partner in his endeavorers, eventually using his power to buy out Swan and his pattens, keeping all the cash for himself .

The biggest loser in the Edison Game? Nikola Tesla. Tesla was the genius behind alternating current (or AC). Edison had invested millions of dollars in direct current (or DC) and was not to be out done by some silly chap with a mustache. So whats a lazy "inventor" to do? Well, if your Thomas Edison, you run a smear campaign against your rival, complete with superior funding from several other stolen pattens. 

It is speculated that the "war of currents" actually set human progression behind because of some petty feud between Edison and just about everyone else who invented anything Edison himself thought was either below his standards or a common case of "fuck that asshole, I should have thought of it first" syndrome.

It is also rumored that Nikola Tesla would have received the Nobel Prize for his efforts, if not for Edison and his cronies ruining his good name with their stolen money and ripped off pattens. 

So the" father of the light bulb" is a thieving, bureaucratic, son of a bitch. Should this come as a surprise? I mean, companies steal and buy out each others technology every day. Even Bill Gates has admitted to not creating the software behind Windows. But for history books to LIE to us by proclaiming Thomas Edison as a great inventor is about as accurate as a blind man with an Uzi. Why not describe Edison as the worlds biggest thief? I mean, that shit deserves some type of mention, right? 

The fact of the matter is, history is written by the winners. No matter what you do or what you accomplish, there will ALWAYS be some dick with better access to funds or people than you. So what do we take away from something like this? Keep your friends close and your pattens closer.

I'm looking in your direction, Mr. Einstein.